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Saturday, July 12, 2008

Marguerite Proctor


On Saturday, September 30, 2006 I lost one of the best friends I will ever have - Marguerite Proctor passed on to the next phase of her eternal journey. She was the beloved mother of Bob Proctor, Helen Brindley and Al Proctor. She leaves a wonderful legacy in her three children, 8 grandchildren and 27 great-grandchildren.

Last Friday's Insight of the Day featured a great article dealing with decisions - and how you can choose to deal with issues in a positive way or a negative way. I write this hoping that you will be able to see how the decisions this great lady made, combined with her love and focus - impacted her life in a positive way and went on to influence the lives of her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and with and through them - many thousands of individuals around the world. Marguerite made tough decisions and she always leaned on the positive side when she made them.

Marguerite actively participated in life - she read, she voted, she stayed up on current affairs and on politics and was an avid sports fan. She beamed with pride the years the Toronto Blue Jays won the World Series. However, when the Jays weren't doing well you could hear her talking to her television set.

Marguerite traveled around the world. She went to China, Indonesia, Europe, the UK and all over North America. Her social calendar was always full. She played bridge, golf and shared meals and drinks with her many friends.

In spite of her busy social calendar Marguerite always had time to visit or help a friend in need. There is one story I recall hearing that emphasizes her giving nature. The story took place during the Second World War - early in the 1940's when keeping food on the table and a roof over their heads was no easy task. But when she heard of a family who lived near by that didn't have any coal for their furnace, during a particularly cold spell, she took half of the only money she had and gave it to them to purchase a ton of coal to heat their home. The fact that she didn't know them made no difference. A book could be written on stories of this nature that people have shared with me about this wonderful woman. In retrospect it is not difficult to understand why she lived such a long, prosperous life. She understood the secret was in giving - not getting. The decisions she made to share all she had became a part of her family's way of life.

Marguerite grew up and married in Owen Sound, Ontario, but in the early 1940's while her husband was caught up in the Second World War somewhere in Europe; she moved her mother and three children to Toronto.

I clearly remember a few years ago asking her what motivated her to make that move, a move that would have been a very courageous one in those days - especially when all of her relatives told her she was crazy - that she would never make it in the big city in such dire times. She told me she realized that if her kids grew up in this small town in Northern Ontario (Canada) there would be very little career opportunity for them, except for factory work and she wanted more for them. She said about the time she first thought of moving, her insurance agent moved to Toronto. She met with him, asked him what he did and decided that if he could do it so could she. And that is exactly what she did.

She not only moved to Toronto, she borrowed $500 and used it as a down payment on a house. She then told me that she paid the $500 off in three years and three months and went on to pay off the mortgage. I asked her how she was able to do that with a base salary of $22 per week and she said that she did without everything she could, worked as hard as she could, did extra jobs, so that she could pay for the house. She added that you could do a lot with $20 in the early 1940's. I remember hearing her say how grateful she was that she could work that hard. She had an incredible work ethic and obviously instilled that into her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

From the time Marguerite Proctor was a very young woman she had goals. All through her young years, when she worked long hours just to make ends meet and raise her three children, she had a dream of spending her winters in Florida and the remaining six months in Canada. Her dream became a reality in her mid sixties when she bought a home in Largo, Florida. Catching her at home - at either home - could be a challenge though. She once commented that no one ever phoned. So, I purchased an answering machine for her, to prove to her that we did phone - she was just never there!

Marguerite's successful life obviously had a lot to do with her ability to set and achieve her goals. But in all the years I knew this woman I can honestly say she was not one to dwell on her problems and although she had good reason to, she never felt sorry for herself. In fact, when she was in her 80's she learned that she had breast cancer and underwent a mastectomy. She only told us of her impending surgery a day beforehand. Naturally we were upset with her and wanted to know why she had not shared this information. She informed us that there was nothing we could do about it and there was no sense worrying everyone with it.

My husband Bob and I showed up at the hospital the morning following her surgery and didn't find her in her room. Given her age and the seriousness of the surgery we were immediately concerned. When checking at the nurse's station they told us they were having a hard time keeping her in her room in spite of the tubes attached to her - she was visiting friends on the ward offering them love and encouragement.

It was only a short period of time after her cancer operation that this great woman's attitude received another severe test - she began losing her sight to Macro Degeneration. But true to her nature she again made the best of a bad situation and immediately began to study Braille and subscribed through the Institute for the Blind to talking books which she devoured.

Loss of sight never slowed her down - she even continued to play golf. During a conversation with one member of the family, the subject of e-mail was brought up and she said that surely blind people could use e-mail. And you guessed it, in nothing flat she had a computer in her home with a voice program on it and she was e-mailing people all over North America from her home in Florida. She smiled and said, "I just decided I could."

A few months ago, a hospice worker came to visit her and asked if she was depressed. Marguerite replied, "I have nothing to be depressed about. I am 93 years old and have had a wonderful life and family. I have traveled the world and have everything I want. And if I need anything and can't afford it - my family provides it. Why should I be depressed?"

On her deathbed she continued to inspire us. There were a few places she never had a chance to visit - Australia was one of them. So in the weeks prior to her death, one of her grandchildren sat by her bed and read to her about Australia. Marguerite continued to marvel about how interesting a place Australia surely must be. Even facing death, she remained interested in life and learning.

Marguerite and I enjoyed a wonderful relationship, my own mother passed away when I was 23 and so I looked to her as a second mother for 27 wonderful years!

If you could design a program to give you the ideal mother-in-law, Marguerite would be it! She never ever interfered. I'm sure there were times she wanted to say something - she certainly was not lacking for an opinion. But she never did interfere. She was not judgmental, nor was she demanding.

I think the real secret to Marguerite's happiness and the lessons I have learned from her are that when anything happened that required a decision - she made the decision and it was always to move in a positive direction. She stayed busy, she never focused on herself, she knew how to make a decision and stick to it. And for her, goals in life meant doing a lot and giving a lot.

Marguerite raised three children, all of whom are successful entrepreneurs; 8 grandchildren, one who has become a superior court judge in Canada, the rest are entrepreneurs and corporate executives and of course her 27 great-grandchildren, many on the verge of just starting their careers - all of whom loved and respected her so much. And if you were to ask any one of them, they would be quick to tell you that they are so thankful that she made the decisions she did - resulting in them being where they are today.

Marguerite Proctor was a wonderful mother, Marguerite's family received a special gift in the time they were able to spend with her prior to her death - to be able to truly give back to her and let her know how much she was loved and appreciated and how much she had impacted them. It was a special time for everyone.

Take a look at the decisions you are making and realize that, like Marguerite Proctor, your decisions will probably impact a great many people - many of whom you will probably never meet.

Oh, and by the way, if your mother is still alive - give her a hug and make sure she knows how much she is loved and appreciated. And realize that it truly is a gift to be able to spend time with your mother.

Linda Proctor