I am a little league mom. What that means is that currently, every Monday and Wednesday evening I sit in the park on the bleachers and watch my eight-year-old son in baseball practice. Every Sunday afternoon, weather permitting, I'm watching him in a game. At the practices there are a few parents who relish the idea of free babysitting for an hour, so they drop off their kids and get something else done. I can't blame them - I know what it's like to be split in so many conflicting directions. Truthfully, the reason I'm there without fail is that my son asks me to be. Maybe most of the other young players don't care much if their parents are there, or even prefer them not to be. My son asks me to watch him, and I do, because I know all too well that in a few short years he'll have no interest in me watching him from the bleachers, or for that matter, he won't be playing baseball at all. So I watch batting practice, and catching practice, and running around the bases, and I've seen my share of little kids fumbling the ball and trying to get a hit.
My son is one of the lucky ones who got a great coach this year, accompanied by an assistant coach who also follows the same philosophy. Every time I'm on the bleachers watching the kids play, I think to myself, "Wow, this is a great way to parent, or to approach every relationship we're in. I wish I could do this as a mom and wife!" This is what I mean:
Let's just say, nicely, these 7 and 8 year-old kids aren't exactly star players. Mostly they are a bunch of little tikes just learning how to play baseball. A few of the kids can land a good hit some of the time, and every once in a while they catch the ball when it's hit to them, but when they do, they look surprised that they caught it. Mostly what I'm watching is a bunch of kids striking out, fumbling the ball, and from someone else's perspective, they could look like "losers."
You'd never know that from listening to their coach. Every word out of his mouth is a positive one. If a child is striking out, he comments on how improved their swing is. If they pop the ball up one foot in front of their head for a foul ball, he compliments them on connecting with the ball. He is consistently kind, gentle and encouraging, managing to find a way to put a positive spin on any child's behavior, even if it's striking out, or letting a home run happen because of a fumbled ball. His goal is to make sure that the kids are having fun, and feeling good about himself. If he cares about winning a game, it doesn't show. If his ego wants him to be the coach of the team in the finals, he doesn't let that drive him to come down hard on the kids. He's simply out there having a good time, and making the kids feel good about themselves for wherever they are, at whatever skill level they have. I'm astonished at the number of different ways he's come up with for complimenting a child for, according to someone else's perspective, screwing up. Seems like there are at least twenty different ways to make a child still feel good about striking out or dropping the ball.
Isn't this kind of sweet, gentle approach to our children what makes them flourish? Heck, isn't it what we all need as adults as well? Do we really need well-meaning friends and family to tell us how deficient we are, and how we should improve upon our losing behavior - to point out how we have "dropped the ball?" Aren't we better off moving through the world using our words for kindness and encouragement?
I'm glad that my son asked me to watch his practices, because not only am I given the treat of seeing my happy son out there doing his thing with joy and skill, but I am also reminded, at least three days a week, that my children, my husband, and certainly myself, deserve to be spoken to with at least the same measure of encouragement and appreciation as a little league baseball coach who doesn't even know my son. Thank you, coach, for reminding me to focus on the positive, and for showing me how you can always find something nice to say, if being kind and encouraging is your goal.
Azriela Jaffe
Azriela Jaffe is the author of fourteen books including, "After the Diet, Delicious Kosher Recipes with Less Fat, Calories and Carbs" which can be purchased directly from her. Check out all of her books at www.azriela.com or feel free to email her at: azjaffe@optonline.net
