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Friday, August 29, 2008

Brains and Brawn


It seemed strange that those of us from the orphanage were always the last to be picked when it came to any type of a game at school.

Baseball, football and even dodge-ball. It didn't seem to make a difference if we were tall or short, thin or fat or fast or slow. The fact that we came from the orphanage appeared to be all that mattered to those who did the choosing.

I am not sure what came over me the day that the teacher picked me to be one of the captains of the dodge-ball team. I was rather shocked as even the teacher treated us as though we were different from the other kids.

This time my team was going to win. I knew who was the fastest and I knew who had the best aim. This was the day that I was going to become the winner.

As we gathered in a group on the school ground, the teacher flipped a coin to see who would be the first to pick.

"Heads!" yelled out Mrs. Cherry, my fourth grade teacher.

I smiled as I was the one who had picked heads. I am not sure what came over me at that moment. Winning the game did not seem to be so important to me now. I looked around the large group of boys and my eyes stopped at Jeffrey. He was slow and he weighed a whopping 98 pounds.

"JEFFREY," I yelled out, as I pointed at him.

He looked up in total shock as he began to move his massive body toward me.

"You picked me?" he asked.

I reached over and I patted him on the back.

My next pick was Leonard. He was a small boy who wore black, thick rimmed glasses and he never combed his hair. He was the quiet type and he was not liked by very many of the popular kids. He was without a doubt the brain of the class.

The remainder of my picks were kids that I knew from the orphanage. Or, Kids who were always the last to be picked. Kids that never got to play because of the teams being uneven.

"He picked a bunch of losers. We're gonna win without even trying," said the captain of the other team.

"We're gonna lose," said Jeffrey, as our team huddled in a tight circle.

"Of course were gonna lose," I told them.

"Then why did you pick me?" asked Jeffrey.

"And why did you pick me? I can't see without my glasses," said Leonard.

As the game started, I made sure that Jeffrey stood behind those of us who were faster. That way he could get out of the way of the ball before it reached him. I made sure that my team did not stay in the center of the circle. We moved around the circle, rather than across the circle. That seemed to give us a big advantage.

The ball was thrown five or six times before Robert was hit. Another five or six times before the ball hit Wayne. One at a time my team members were hit and fell out. They hit us with the ball as hard as they could, slamming the ball against our backs when we could not get out of the way. Their team was laughing and mocking at us the entire time. Soon, it was down to just Jeffrey and me.

"I can't believe it is just you and me," said Jeffrey, panting as hard as he could.

"Just stay behind me," I told him.

"Get that fat Jeffrey kid," yelled out one of their team members.

They threw the ball ten or more times without hitting either one of us. The harder they threw, the more they missed and the madder they seemed to get.

"OK, that's enough. You're getting too rough," yelled out Mrs. Cherry.

I will never forget the look on Jeffrey's face when the game ended. He could hardly believe that he had made it that far. When Jeffrey and I went to the bathroom to wash up he had tears in his eyes.

"You made me feel good by picking me first," he told me, as he stood there crying over the sink.

I learned a very good lesson that day. We were just a bunch of kids who were not popular at all. Earlier that morning, Mrs. Cherry had talked to us about "brains" and "brawn." She told us that if we were to succeed in life that we had to learn to use all of our skills, and that we had to work together as a team.

I just wanted to see if the teacher knew what she was talking about.

Roger Dean Kiser, Sr.

Roger and his wife, Judy, also a writer, live in Brunswick, Georgia. He now writes and speaks to children in the Georgia School system about child abuse and its effects

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Marion Luna Brem's Story


In 1984, Marion Luna Brem was 30 years old - and she was dying. Marion had cancer of the breast and cervix and had undergone two surgeries in 11 weeks - a mastectomy and hysterectomy. Now she was suffering the horrifying effects of chemotherapy. Adding to her pain, the disease had robbed her of her hair, her savings, and now her husband. He walked out saying he couldn't deal with the pressure any more. Marion was left with two small boys and no means to support them. Worse, her prognosis was a death sentence: Doctors told her she had 2 years to live, 5 if she was really lucky. So, on a hot Texas morning in May, Marion laid with her cheek on the cold bathroom floor trying not to throw up - again. And despite her gut-wrenching pain and paralyzing fear, she knew she could not afford to lie there feeling sorry for herself. Instead, Marion had to focus on taking care of her kids. And that meant finding a job. But she had almost no experience and little formal education - not exactly a powerful resume to launch a budding career. Plus, she was a woman - an Hispanic woman - which in many people's eyes meant she had two strikes against her. Marion thought only of survival. The words rich and successful didn't even enter her mind.

Where to begin? Susan, Marion's best friend, suggested she look for a job in sales, but Marion worried about her lack of experience. Susan reminded her that there was a lot of value in the job market for the skills she possessed as a housewife: time management, budgeting, not to mention the people skills she developed while being a room mother and member of the PTA. So with all the resolve she could muster, Marion thought, "Why not?"

Of all the industries to pursue, Marion chose the male-dominated field of selling automobiles. One of Marion's past part-time jobs was a switchboard operator at a Dallas car dealership, so she knew there was good money in car sales. She had also seen firsthand how salesmen talked only to the male half of the couple, virtually ignoring the woman. Intuitively, she knew women were an important part of the decision-making process and believed this was an opportunity. Statistics now reveal that Marion was right. When couples purchase a car, the woman influences the decision 80 percent of the time. Marion recognized the need for car saleswomen, and she was determined to fill that need.

Armed only with her gut instinct and a funky blonde wig, Marion approached the first dealership. "Have you ever thought about hiring a woman?" she asked. "No!" was the curt reply. She heard the same response from 16 other sales managers around town. Yet Marion Brem didn't give up. She couldn't! "I think courage is something you decide upon," she says. "You wake up in the morning and have a meeting with the mirror and say, 'Today I'm going to be courageous.'"

But her approach clearly wasn't working. So on her 17th try, she modified her pitch and said, "Here's what I can do for you..." After telling the manager her angle on women car buyers, she was hired on the spot! Marion Luna Brem's career in car sales had begun.

At first, her all-male colleagues embraced the rookie saleswoman. "It really wasn't until I began competing with them, beating them, that I noticed a change of heart," Marion recalls. "But when they see that you're not going away, and not going to personalize their derogatory remarks, then a kind of respect is born."

Brem's first year out, she was named salesperson of the year. Of course, the plaque read "Salesman of the Year," and the award included a trip to the Super Bowl and a man's Rolex watch. Still, it was a great honor and a wonderful achievement. Meanwhile, her cancer went into remission and Marion was going strong.

For 2 more years, Marion was a top producer, but she wanted more. It was then that she approached her boss about a management position. Her proposal was flatly rejected. He said that he'd be "nuts" to take her out of sales with all the money she was making both of them. As difficult as it was for her to leave the security of the established clientele of repeat and referral business she had worked so hard to create, she moved on, believing she would find what she was looking for. That meant, once again, knocking on doors.

After several frustrating weeks of pounding the pavement, Marion was finally hired as an entry-level manager at a new dealership. She quickly climbed the management ladder. Two and a half years later, she was ready to start her own dealership. She envisioned an operation run by women for women. All she needed was a "measly" $800,000 and she was off to the races. To Marion, it might as well have been $800 million.

Once again, Marion rolled up her sleeves. "I put together a portfolio on myself. I literally went to the drugstore and got 50 of those school folders," she recalls. Inside, she put her certificates, press clippings, and biography. Marion called it her "brag folder." On the advice of a trusted friend, she sent the package to 50 CPAs all over Texas - money managers who represented doctors looking for investment opportunities.

Two weeks later, Marion received a call from one of her contacts. It would change her life. The CPA had a client, a cardiologist, who had agreed to become her silent partner. The doctor helped arrange $800,000 in working capital as well as millions more in loans needed to lease, stock, and market her first dealership. Marion approached Chrysler Corporation - and quickly struck a deal.

Now all she needed was a name for her brand-new dealership. Marion wanted something distinctive - and it had to be feminine. She tried several "feel-good" names, but nothing stuck. Finally, it hit her: "Love." "It's the most positive word in the dictionary," she thought. "And it's the way I feel about this project, the way I'm going to treat my customers and employees."

So in 1989, just 5 years after selling her first car, "Love Chrysler" was born, complete with a heart logo on every car. Marion's motto: "It's not just the hearts on our cars, it's the hearts inside our people. We're spreading Love all over Texas!"

Marion's labor of love paid off handsomely. Today, she is cancer-free, is the owner of two car dealerships, and recently celebrated the 11th anniversary of Love Chrysler. Her company is 89th on the Hispanic Business 500 with revenues of more than $45 million.

At the age of 30, Marion Luna Brem had lost her breast, her womb, her marriage...and soon, the doctors said, she would lose her life. But Marion literally dragged herself off a cold tile floor, put on a cheap wig, and took on a world dominated by good ole boys. In the process, she raised two kids, beat a devastating illness, and turned steel into love.

Cynthia Kersey

Excerpted from "Unstoppable Women: Achieve any Breakthrough Goal in Just 30 Days." Cynthia's new book is for every woman - from stay at home moms to corporate executives - and not only includes a revolutionary 30-day program for creating lasting change, but features amazing stories of remarkable women.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A Dream World


"I look at that family, that car, that house and that job and I think, what a dream..."

I confess that years ago I gazed longingly at luxury cars. I dreamed of owning one, brand didn't matter, I wasn't picky, any one would do. I continued living in this dream world until one day I came to a simple yet powerful realization...that at one point in time a luxury car was a dream for the person who now drives it. With few exceptions, he or she didn't always have the skill or education to earn the money to buy that lavish ride. It was a dream for them...one that came to fruition through hard work and focus. I guess one could say that today, they are living a dream world?

Over time I thought more about 'living a dream world' and bringing dreams to reality, until finally I arrived at a staggering yet unmistakable conclusion that it is all a dream. In the past I glanced at a Lexus or Mercedes and thought that person is 'living in a dream world.' Over time I have expanded my thoughts to conclude that everything we see, use, consume or have is a result of a dream...let me explain.

The technology in the computer I type on at this very moment was a dream of many scientists years ago. The computer that now sits on my desk was made by a company that just a few short years ago called a garage their world wide corporate headquarters. What began as a dream of an energetic entrepreneur is now a worldwide fortune 500 company. The parts and assembly for this computer are the careful work of many hands, people who thought they would probably not be assembling computers for a living. Yet, this work lets them foster their dreams of providing a nice living for their family, an education, a new television, a daughter's wedding or a car for their teenager.

This computer now rests on my desk, one that I dreamed of having in a study that I imagined years ago. I call my study 'the room of knowing.' Its walls are lined with articles I have published, book jackets from books I have written and some awards that I have won, accomplishments I only dreamed of years ago. It is called 'the room of knowing' because I now know I can accomplish my dreams if I set my mind to it, this room reminds me of that. It could also be called the 'room of dreams,' after all, that's where it all started. I guess one could say that as I type...I am working in a dream world, a world of my dreams (the study) and others (the computer)...

As I drive to work this morning, I realize that I can run through the same 'dream' drill with my car. It was made by a company that started small...a dream. Engineers with a vision (or dream) designed it. Workers who are working a dream job because it provides for and creates their dreams assembled it. I can run the same dream drill with the STOP sign at the intersection by my home. It was put there by a crew who dreamed of working outside. In a subdivision that was a dream of a developer. Ordered by local, county and state laws, laws passed by people who dreamed of serving their community and country. The sign is in Cole County, Missouri, one of 50 states that make our great country, a country that began in the hopes, hearts and dreams of our forefathers.

I could run through the same dream thought process as I pass the local McDonalds restaurant, my CPA's office, the public library or the state capital. I could do the same with the water at my tap or the road I drive on or the Green Tea that I quietly sip but that would be redundant, you get the point, each and everything around us is part of a dream that has reached fruition. This reality proves dreams do come true. That anything we touch, have, hold or use is a result of the hopes, energies and imaginations of the ones who create it...it is part of a dream world. Focus on 'a dream world' for just five minutes today and you will realize an appreciation, astonishment and empowerment that you have not felt before...you will literally be opening your eyes, for a first time, in a dream.

"I look at that family, that car, that house and that job and I think, what a dream..."

Matt Forck

Matt Forck is a dad, husband, writer and speaker. Matt has published numerous articles on a variety of topics, two books and is looking forward to the release of a new book; The Call Project.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Fear


Of all the negative emotions we can experience, fear may be the most paralyzing. It can cause us to hesitate when action is imperative, or it can make us react too quickly in a situation that needs careful consideration. Fear of the unknown may keep us from something truly wonderful. On the other hand, fear of letting something "too good to be true" slip away can cause disaster.

For seven years, I postponed a surgical procedure that had the potential to make my life five hundred percent better than it was, to say nothing of relieving constant, often excruciating, pain. General anesthesia, during other necessary surgeries, had come close to ending my life three times. The alternative, a spinal block, scared me to death!

When I finally reached the point that the possibility of dying during or following the knee replacement surgery was no worse than the pain, I agreed to see a surgeon. Several of my friends recommended the same doctor, so I took my courage in both hands and went to see him.

"Not a problem," the six-foot-seven, blond-turning-to-silver Adonis told me. "We'll do a spinal block." I blinked several times and swallowed hard before I replied.

"Uh...isn't that painful?" I asked. The doctor leaned back in his swivel chair and smiled.

"Some say it's no worse than a bee sting," he said. "Others seem to have more of a problem with it. It's really not bad. We'll keep you lightly sedated during the whole surgical procedure, and you will be fine."

I blinked some more. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask how many spinals he had received in his lifetime. Before I could retort, he continued.

"When would you like to schedule the knee replacement?" Since it was mid-October, January seemed far enough away to give me pondering time, just in case I needed to re-think the situation.

"Maybe mid-January?" I asked.

"Fine. How about January seventeenth?" I swallowed hard again and agreed.

January came awfully fast. No matter how many people I talked to about the spinal block, I couldn't get a positive consensus that there would be little pain. It was the part of the whole procedure that I dreaded the most. Just the thought of baring my vulnerable backbone to a needle of monstrous size (according to several witnesses) gave me cold chills. I took the most sensible approach: I tried not to think about it, which was a miserable failure.

At six a.m. on the morning of January seventeenth, I allowed a blue-swathed nurse to wheel me into the pre-op cubicle. Another lady in blue proceeded to paint and scrub my entire right leg with a sudsy iodine-y substance, which she did for several minutes.

"Does a spinal block really hurt? I blurted out my fear. The woman nodded.

"It can," she said, "but usually no more than a hornet's sting." A hornet's sting? I remembered how badly honeybee and bumblebee stings hurt when I was a child. I considered hobbling away from the gurney, but I had already come this far. I couldn't let my children and grandchildren think that I was a total wimp.

After two attempts at finding a vein my left hand, the anesthetist attacked my right. He finally found one, but his finesse was not wonderful. I frowned. "I bet that spinal is going to hurt a lot worse, isn't it?" I asked.

"It might," he replied. I was not reassured.

After what seemed like a very short time, one of the attending physician's said, "Let's get this show on the road." I knew a moment of total, absolute terror.

"Don't I have to have a spinal?" I asked. General laughter greeted my remark.

"Sweetie, you've already had it."

"Oh." Duh, as my granddaughter would have said. I wondered why I couldn't remember getting it.

During the surgery I seemed to be totally aware of everything that was done, but I'm sure that I drifted in and out of consciousness. I heard the conversation, even took part in it occasionally; and I could see the tall surgeon's masked face above the blue screen that was draped across my chest and separated me from the action. I heard the sound of the saw that prepared the bones for the prosthesis, and the whine of the drill that screwed four, three-inch screws into my lower leg. Even when the hammering began, I thought: Hmmmm...that's interesting. They must be pounding on my leg, but I can't feel a thing.

Intermittent sedation made the whole process seem very short, time wise. In less than three hours I was wheeled into the room that would become mine. My family waited to commiserate. "Piece of cake!" I announced. That, of course, was before the feeling came back into my leg. Still, even though the pain of the surgery did get really nasty, and the therapy was sometimes more than I thought I could bear, it was worth it.

Three months after the fact, I walk without pain. I can go up and down stairs without wincing and moaning and groaning. I can almost cross my legs, as I had not been able to do for years. Still, there is one thing that drives me crazy. If the pain of the spinal block was bad enough that the anesthetist gave me Versaid to make me forget the entire procedure, HOW BAD WAS IT? Did I make a complete fool of myself with hysterics or screaming or babbling or what? What happened that they didn't want me to remember?

Now here I am, new knee, new life, new outlook; and the thought of a spinal block still makes me cringe with fear. If I weren't so busy with my new abilities, I could drive myself crazy with dread of the possibility of another spinal block somewhere down the road. How asinine is that? To quote a wonderful source of wisdom: "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

How moronic is unreasonable fear? I don't know. I just know that when it comes to contemplating a spinal block, I am an absolute moron. I have to keep in mind that the things we sometimes fear the most never come to pass. In my case, even if someday I must repeat the spinal block thing without benefit of the amnesia-inducing drug, I can get through it. As the revered English Prime Minister once said: "All we have to fear is fear, itself."

Barbara Elliott Carpenter

Author of two novels, Starlight, Starbright... and Wish I May, Wish I Might...Barbara continues to work on the third book of the series, The Wish I Wish Tonight. She contributes to many online publications, both fiction and non-fiction.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

She Died Today

Josee-Anne Desrochers died today. She was admitted into the hospital with pneumonia on Thursday. She is gone today.

She wasn't a woman that was a world celebrity. In fact, she was just a simple woman, going through her everyday life in obscurity. She was just an ordinary person like you and I.

Then one day, on August 10, 1995, her 10-year-old son, Daniel Desrochers, was killed when a jeep exploded on Adam Street, where he played with a friend in front of a Montreal School. His life was taken from him in a matter of seconds. His future quashed, her family destroyed.

My friends that have gone through this experience tell me that a mother never truly recovers from the death of her child. I believe them. I can't imagine how I could go on if my son was taken from me.

Some mothers fall into the deep dark abyss of depression and never return. Some mothers try to put the shattered pieces of their lives back together as best that they can. My book Angels Watching Over Me is about a woman, Carissa Forbes (true identity remains undisclosed to public), who is one such woman.

Other mothers reach out and help grieving mothers through prayers, support groups, and websites. My writer for Storytime Tapestry, Sharon Bryant, is one of these women.

Then there are woman like Josee-Anne Desrochers who decided that a support group was not enough for the families of the victims of tragic and senseless deaths. She vowed that her voice would be heard and if she could help clean up the streets of Montreal and make it a safer place for children everywhere she would.

Josee-Anne Desrochers called for a public inquiry to determine if the police could have prevented her son's death, and if they could catch his killer. The death was a result of Montreal's infamous "biker gang wars" and it caused a public outcry. Daniel Desrocher's death was attributed to the Hells Angels, Nomad Chapter of Montreal, warring against the equally infamous "Rock Machine."

A provincial task force, known as the "Wolverines," was eventually created to look into biker activity. However, the Hell's Angels continued to strive. But the Wolverines eventually brought them down.

Today, as I listened to the news, CTV Montreal stated that Josee-Anne Desrochers was instrumental in her efforts to bring down the Hells Angels, Nomad chapter. She created a lobbying group that gave the long overdue voice to the victims of violent senseless crimes.

Today, I mourn the death of a courageous woman, a simple mother, an ordinary person just like you and I. She was a woman on a mission and she will forever remain a hero in my mind.

Carol Roach

Carol is a native of Montreal, Canada. She holds a Masters in counseling psychology and is the author of the book: Picking Up the Pieces: A Woman's Journey.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Making Of A Memory


One can't predict when or where they will come from; those memories that stay with us a lifetime, and never fail to bring us warm fuzzy feelings.

My husband had just finished loading his car; made one lap back through the house and then into the kitchen. "I guess filling my thermos is all I have left to do, and then I'm off." Down the drain went the hot water that had been warming his thermos. With a very nostalgic look on his face he softly said, "When I filled this with water earlier, I thought of your mom. In fact, anytime I fill my thermos I think of her."

"Oh honey, that's so sweet. I know she's watching and listening right now with a big smile on her face," I responded as tears began to brim my eyelids.

"You know, I never fill my thermos that I don't think of her, and I always smile too." The tone in his voice was so tender as he spoke of my mother who is no longer with us.

Years ago we had been visiting my parents, and the morning we were leaving mother watched as Jerry began to fill his thermos. Being the "coffee drinker" in the family, he's always placed himself in charge of thermos duties. Mom then casually offered up a tidbit of advice. "Jerry, if you would fill your thermos with hot water and let it sit a while, your coffee would stay hot longer on your drive." The look on his face was priceless as her simple suggestion sunk in. Well of course it would! It only makes all the sense in the world! Who wouldn't know that? He dumped the small amount of coffee already in the thermos, and ran the tap until it was at its hottest; then refilled with piping hot water. After pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee, he sat down to enjoy a few more minutes with mom, and to discuss this unique new idea.

Words of wisdom from a loving mother-in-law made an impact that will never be forgotten. When spoken that morning, Jerry didn't realize he would always hear those words ringing in his ears, or that they would bring a smile to his face time and time again. And Mother would never have dreamed her words would be a treasured, and everlasting memory in the heart of her son-in-law.

The "fondest, lasting memories" don't necessarily come from "major moments" in life...the making of a memory simply happens...

Kathleene S. Baker
©2005

Kathleene lives in Dallas, Texas with her husband of 28 years. She has two stepchildren and three grandchildren. In the past year she has had stories or poems featured by Starfish, Storytime Tapestry, Driftwood, Inspired Buffalo, Women With Heart, Texas Bob's World, Hearts With Soul, Warm Fuzzy Stories, Christian Voices and Petwarmers. Kathleene has become a Senior Writer for Storytime Tapestry, as well as Moderator.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Dance In A Relationship Of Respect


I constantly attracted a certain type of experience with men and women in my life, where I felt bullied or disrespected and left feeling not good about myself. I would feel anger in their breath and suddenly I couldn't speak. I would become inauthentic and would eventually feel myself in fear and "walking on eggshells," until I had had enough! I would leave the relationship physically or emotionally by shutting down, usually with judgment and blame...saying to myself, "What more can I give to this person? They're never happy, nothing is ever good enough...they are so angry and controlling." I would be exhausted by the relationship, always watching what I said...trying to make them comfortable.

One day a phone call woke me up! It was a friend calling about an outing the next day. I had been experiencing all of the same relationship tensions with her over the years, usually feeling unsafe to be myself. When she was in a good mood, we would have a great time together, and if she wasn't, I sometimes received a tongue-lashing! I am sure she could hear it in my voice as I said, "I have the flu and I am going to bed for the day." Her conversation geared up as she shared what was going on in her life and after ten minutes or so I found an opportunity to interrupt her and say, "I really feel sick and I have to go to bed." This triggered her response as she blew up at me...her anger and emotions came at me so unexpectedly. I took care of me by saying again, "I have to go!"...and I hung up the phone.

I felt my emotions surface...feeling disrespected and hurt...I felt anger at her and myself.

My whole life I experienced relationships with men who would control me for the love that I craved and women whose approval I felt I needed. I thought I could save everyone with the love I had to give. I was so tired of this experience...I wanted to change...what was I doing wrong?...why was I attracting this type of relationship over and over again?

I closed my eyes and I saw all of these men and women whom I had left quietly or blamed openly. Wow, there were many. The emotions that came up in me were overpowering...each person I looked at created the same feelings in me. I remembered how they didn't respect me and I kept quiet, how they manipulated me and I shut down. They controlled my happiness and I allowed them. As I was reviewing these relationships in my mind I felt myself...

Powerless...I cried...I felt my anger...My resentment. They were mean to me! They hurt me!

I screamed out loud...at each one of them...

"I couldn't ever give you enough love."
"It was never good enough."
"You made me feel unsure of myself."
"I hate your anger."

The truth I felt was that I didn't really like them...and I didn't like who I became with them...

I cried and screamed the pain of each relationship. I fell into an exhausted state. I was empty...I started to breathe...and I found my answer...I got it!

Each person I faced during my visualization showed me MY anger. I was able to see how I walked on eggshells because I didn't want to feel MY uncomfortable emotions. I blamed them and made them responsible for my lack of self-worth. They reflected the anger and void of love that was also in me.

I took responsibility...
I owned my anger! It was in me too.
I forgave each person and my heart became open...I felt the freedom in me.

I created a life tool that helps me take care of my unhealthy emotions so that I can be more authentic and attractive, from the inside out, I call it "The Inner Workout." This inner support system strengthens my self-worth muscle.

The next day I visited with my friend and shared my experience. With a gentle and clear voice I said, "I want to be in relationship differently with you now. We continued our friendship for a few more years and it felt much better, although eventually I had to end it after the pattern repeated itself and I was disrespected a few too many times. I had to respect myself enough to leave.

In the past, when I felt my voice was disrespected and boundaries were crossed, I would stop speaking. Self-protection and silence can be a safe place for a while, but only until we can find the courage to stand up for ourselves.

Do you yell at your kids or loved ones? Are you bullied? The common thread is anger. Projected or suppressed anger is so toxic and will destroy love causing separation or illness.

I realize that I can't change anyone, however, this life tool created such a profound shift in me and this change in me inspired others to shift themselves...transforming all of my relationships.

I released my own barriers of anger and resentment so that I could live with an open heart. When I found the opening in me, I felt safe to be all that I am with my loved ones. The voice of beloved love is the intimacy that deepens me in relationship. We all desire safe love to share with another...I attracted my loving husband Bruce who shares the same inner connection. We make the choice to love, honor and listen to each other, inspiring our children, family and friends. many people have told me how they experience Bruce and I together. We are no different at home or out with others. Our rhythm reflects a gentle adoring communication.

Together we Dance in a Relationship of Respect.

Colleen Hoffman Smith

Colleen is an author, inspirational guide, facilitator and relationship expert.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

"I Won't Know For 20 Years Or So"


I'm still basking in the warmth of my latest visit with my hero, Coach John Wooden. I remember vividly when I first heard the Coach talk about the "last game I ever taught," using a phrase that indelibly etched in my mind the idea that the most lasting and important achievements of a great coach are embedded in the character and conduct of his or her athletes.

I once had the occasion to interview the Coach for a short video and he said the coach whose philosophy he admired as much as any other was Amos Alonzo Stagg, a football coach at the University of Chicago when it was a national power. Coach Wooden tells the story that when Coach Stagg was asked if a particularly successful team was one of his greatest ever, Stagg said, "I won't know that for another twenty years or so." You see, Coach Wooden explained, Coach Stagg knew that it would take that long to see how the youngsters under his supervision turned out in life. Elsewhere, Coach Wooden has said, "That's how I feel. I'm most proud of the athlete who does well with his life. That's where success is. Basketball is just a very small part of it."

Very few coaches are remembered for single victories or for the records of their athletes. Some are remembered for a legacy of achievement and influence on their sport, but truly great coaches find impact and immortality in the lives of everyone they taught.

John Wooden never made more than $32,000 a year as a coach, but his impact on his players and all of sports is priceless.

Michael Josephson

Friday, August 15, 2008

Scripting Your Life


I remember a day some time ago when I felt overwhelmed by a mountain of trouble I really didn't want to climb. At the time, I had a hefty list of people and events, which I named and blamed for all the trouble, and my own name was notably missing from that list. Considering my unpleasant mood, it was a blessing indeed that a friend hung around long enough to pass along some advice which really got my attention. After listening as long as he could to the short version of my dilemma, he abruptly stood up and suggested, "Well, as sad as all that may be, it's just a photograph in time - it's not your whole motion picture, you know. Maybe it's time to re-write your script."

The instant those words were uttered, two visual images flashed across the screen of my mind: A tattered old black-and-white photograph lying in a memorabilia box, and the image of a major motion picture being played out on a screen in a dark theater before a large audience. I got the point - the big difference between freeze frame and live action - and experienced one of those "ah ha" moments which often launch a change for the better in our lives.

I began thinking about the milestone events which either froze me in my tracks or thrust me forward in the direction of my dreams. I closed my eyes and mentally hit the play button on the movie of my life so far, switching from fast forward to rewind, pausing certain scenes to observe what worked and what didn't work because of choices and actions on my part. I resisted the temptation to linger and mourn over missed opportunities and managed not to revel too long in celebration of past personal achievements. I simply spent some solitary time observing those life-changing events and the lessons they taught.

Then it hit me! I told myself, "This story isn't over - there's plenty of time remaining for some surprising twists and turns, and unexpected excitement! There's much more to write, perform, and produce." It occurred to me that I had been letting the story of my own life ramble, that it needed attention and direction. I had to know what I wanted in order to write a cohesive, congruent script. I was filled with a sense of urgency to begin editing and producing a motion picture with impact, purpose and meaning. I began Scripting My Life.

I immediately discovered that scripting your life is quite possibly the hardest work you will ever do. As a matter of fact, some people will argue that it's not even possible...that we don't have that much control over our own destinies. So the question is: How can you control your life script? It's been said that we only have complete control over two things in life: Our thoughts and our behaviors. Since every word we speak or action we take begins with a thought, it follows then, that our thoughts are the one thing we truly control. And our habitual thoughts, the thoughts we linger upon and focus our attention upon throughout our day, eventually show up in our lives as wishes come true. Therefore, in order to script your own life story, you must become the master of your thoughts.

In essence, it is our thoughts that write the story line we then act out through our words and actions. For instance, suppose that, as a small child, you may have seen another group of children playing on the playground and you longed to join them, yet you held on to a thought that said, "They won't want to play with me." Believing it, you hung back away from the group, alone. Then later, perhaps as a teenager, you considered trying out for a sports team, or joining the high school yearbook committee, and that same old voice whispered, "They probably wouldn't want me on that team, or that committee..." so you passed on the idea. And, perhaps, at a later time in your life, as a young adult, you saw someone across a room to whom you were instantly attracted and decided to ask them for a date, but before you stepped up, that old voice said, "Who am I kidding? He/she probably won't want to go out with me anyway." Same thought, different day, scripting your life and creating missed opportunities.

What if you could re-write the script and create a new set of circumstances just by changing your way of thinking? You could do so by replacing the old limiting thoughts with positive new statements, such as, "I step out to do things I have never done in order to have things I have never had." Or, "I am important. My every thought, word and action makes a difference."

None of this is meant to suggest you can change your life simply by walking around with your head in the clouds repeating happy phrases. To the contrary, it takes vigilant attention and lots of practice to notice and then master your thoughts in order to script your own life story. You might catch yourself on a negative wavelength many times throughout the day and you might grow exhausted from the effort of turning those thoughts around. Like any endeavor, it takes a willingness to work at it combined with lots and lots of practice.

It's helpful to have reminders, trigger devices, strategically placed to help you pause and notice your thoughts all throughout the day. For instance, you might place a sticky note on your bathroom mirror that asks. "What are you thinking right now?" Or wear a special reminder bracelet on your arm, or hang a special keepsake from the rearview mirror of your car, or place a reminder item on your desk at work. The most important thing is to notice what you are thinking all throughout your day and then to replace any negative thoughts with something positive, empowering and productive.

I have been consciously practicing a better way of thinking for a while and the results have been amazing. Oh, sure, there are still mountains of trouble that sometimes cross my path, but a better way of thinking helps me to step right up and tackle the climb. So, what are you thinking right now? Does it support what you really want? Congratulations! You are Scripting Your Life...As You Wish!

Carol Gates
Copyright 2005 As You Wish Products, LLC. All rights reserved.

Carol is the co-author of the book As You Wish. She is also the Director of Bob Proctor's Coaching programs and a real estate broker in Scottsdale, Arizona where she resides with her husband, Dan.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Daffodil Principle


Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come and see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. Going and coming took most of a day - and I honestly did not have a free day until the following week.

"I will come next Tuesday," I promised, a little reluctantly, on her third call. Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and so I drove the length of Route 91, continued on I-215, and finally turned onto Route 18 and began to drive up the mountain highway. The tops of the mountains were sheathed in clouds, and I had gone only a few miles when the road was completely covered with a wet, gray blanket of fog. I slowed to a crawl, my heart pounding. The road becomes narrow and winding toward the top of the mountain.

As I executed the hazardous turns at a snail's pace, I was praying to reach the turnoff at Blue Jay that would signify I had arrived. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house and hugged and greeted my grandchildren I said, "Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these darling children that I want to see bad enough to drive another inch!"

My daughter smiled calmly, "We drive in this all the time, Mother."

"Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears - and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her.

"I was hoping you'd take me over to the garage to pick up my car. The mechanic just called, and they've finished repairing the engine," she answered.

"How far will we have to drive?" I asked cautiously.

"Just a few blocks,” Carolyn said cheerfully.

So we buckled up the children and went out to my car. "I'll drive," Carolyn offered. "I'm used to this." We got into the car, and she began driving.

In a few minutes I was aware that we were back on the Rim-of-the-World Road heading over the top of the mountain. "Where are we going?" I exclaimed, distressed to be back on the mountain road in the fog. "This isn't the way to the garage!"

"We're going to my garage the long way," Carolyn smiled, "by way of the daffodils."

"Carolyn, I said sternly, trying to sound as if I was still the mother and in charge of the situation, "please turn around. There is nothing in the world that I want to see enough to drive on this road in this weather."

"It's all right, Mother," She replied with a knowing grin. "I know what I'm doing. I promise, you will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."

And so my sweet, darling daughter who had never given me a minute of difficulty in her whole life was suddenly in charge - and she was kidnapping me! I couldn't believe it. Like it or not, I was on the way to see some ridiculous daffodils - driving through the thick, gray silence of the mist-wrapped mountaintop at what I thought was risk to life and limb.

I muttered all the way. After about twenty minutes we turned onto a small gravel road that branched down into an oak-filled hollow on the side of the mountain. The fog had lifted a little, but the sky was lowering, gray and heavy with clouds.

We parked in a small parking lot adjoining a little stone church. From our vantage point at the top of the mountain we could see beyond us, in the mist, the crests of the San Bernardino range like the dark, humped backs of a herd of elephants. Far below us the fog-shrouded valleys, hills, and flatlands stretched away to the desert.

On the far side of the church I saw a pine-needle-covered path, with towering evergreens and manzanita bushes and an inconspicuous, lettered sign "Daffodil Garden."

We each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path as it wound through the trees. The mountain sloped away from the side of the path in irregular dips, folds, and valleys, like a deeply creased skirt.

Live oaks, mountain laurel, shrubs, and bushes clustered in the folds, and in the gray, drizzling air, the green foliage looked dark and monochromatic. I shivered. Then we turned a corner of the path, and I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight, unexpectedly and completely splendid. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes where it had run into every crevice and over every rise. Even in the mist-filled air, the mountainside was radiant, clothed in massive drifts and waterfalls of daffodils. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow.

Each different-colored variety (I learned later that there were more than thirty-five varieties of daffodils in the vast display) was planted as a group so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue.

In the center of this incredible and dazzling display of gold, a great cascade of purple grape hyacinth flowed down like a waterfall of blossoms framed in its own rock-lined basin, weaving through the brilliant daffodils. A charming path wound throughout the garden. There were several resting stations, paved with stone and furnished with Victorian wooden benches and great tubs of coral and carmine tulips. As though this were not magnificent enough, Mother Nature had to add her own grace note - above the daffodils, a bevy of western bluebirds flitted and darted, flashing their brilliance. These charming little birds are the color of sapphires with breasts of magenta red. As they dance in the air, their colors are truly like jewels above the blowing, glowing daffodils. The effect was spectacular.

It did not matter that the sun was not shining. The brilliance of the daffodils was like the glow of the brightest sunlit day. Words, wonderful as they are, simply cannot describe the incredible beauty of that flower-bedecked mountain top.

Five acres of flowers! (This too I discovered later when some of my questions were answered.) "But who has done this?" I asked Carolyn. I was overflowing with gratitude that she brought me - even against my will. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

"Who?" I asked again, almost speechless with wonder, "And how, and why, and when?"

"It's just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house that looked small and modest in the midst of all that glory.

We walked up to the house, my mind buzzing with questions. On the patio we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking" was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read. The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman, two hands, two feet, and very little brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958."

There it was. The Daffodil Principle.

For me that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than thirty-five years before, had begun - one bulb at a time - to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top. One bulb at a time.

There was no other way to do it. One bulb at a time. No shortcuts - simply loving the slow process of planting. Loving the work as it unfolded.

Loving an achievement that grew so slowly and that bloomed for only three weeks of each year. Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the world.

This unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. She had created something of ineffable magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.

The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principle of celebration: learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time - often just one baby-step at a time - learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time.

When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.

"Carolyn," I said that morning on the top of the mountain as we left the haven of daffodils, our minds and hearts still bathed and bemused by the splendors we had seen, "it's as though that remarkable woman has needle-pointed the earth! Decorated it. Just think of it, she planted every single bulb for more than thirty years. One bulb at a time! And that's the only way this garden could be created. Every individual bulb had to be planted. There was no way of short-circuiting that process. Five acres of blooms. That magnificent cascade of hyacinth! All, just one bulb at a time."

The thought of it filled my mind. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the implications of what I had seen. "It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years. Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"

My wise daughter put the car into gear and summed up the message of the day in her direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said with the same knowing smile she had worn for most of the morning. Oh, profound wisdom!

It is pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson a celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use tomorrow?"

Jaroldeen Asplund Edwards

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Don't Follow The Follower


Processionary caterpillars travel in long, undulating lines, one creature behind the other. Jean Hanri Fabre, the French entomologist, once lead a group of these caterpillars onto the rim of a large flowerpot so that the leader of the procession found himself nose to tail with the last caterpillar in the procession, forming a circle without end or beginning.

Through sheer force of habit and, of course, instinct, the ring of caterpillars circled the flowerpot for seven days and seven nights, until they died from exhaustion and starvation. An ample supply of food was close at hand and plainly visible, but it was outside the range of the circle, so the caterpillars continued along the beaten path.

People often behave in a similar way. Habit patterns and ways of thinking become deeply established, and it seems easier and more comforting to follow them than to cope with change, even when that change may represent freedom, achievement, and success.

If someone shouts, "Fire!" it is automatic to blindly follow the crowd, and many thousands have needlessly died because of it. How many stop to ask themselves: Is this really the best way out of here?

So many people "miss the boat" because it's easier and more comforting to follow - to follow without questioning the qualifications of the people just ahead - than to do some independent thinking and checking.

A hard thing for most people to fully understand is that people in such numbers can be so wrong, like the caterpillars going around and around the edge of the flowerpot, with life and food just a short distance away. If most people are living that way, it must be right, they think. But a little checking will reveal that throughout all recorded history the majority of mankind has an unbroken record of being wrong about most things, especially important things. For a time we thought the earth was flat and later we thought the sun, stars, and planets traveled around the Earth. Both ideas are now considered ridiculous, but at the time they were believed and defended by the vast majority of followers. In the hindsight of history we must have looked like those caterpillars blindly following the follower out of habit rather than stepping out of line to look for the truth.

It's difficult for people to come to the understanding that only a small minority of people ever really get the word about life, about living abundantly and successfully. Success in the important departments of life seldom comes naturally, no more naturally than success at anything - a musical instrument, sports, fly-fishing, tennis, golf, business, marriage, parenthood.

But for some reason most people wait passively for success to come to them - like the caterpillars going around in circles, waiting for sustenance, following nose to tail - living as other people are living in the unspoken, tacit assumption that other people know how to live successfully.

It's a good idea to step out of the line every once in a while and look around to see if the line is going where we want it to go. If it is not, it might be time for a new leader and a new direction.

For those who have tried repeatedly to break a habit of some kind, only to repeatedly fail, Mary Pickford said, "Falling is not failing, unless you fail to get up." Most people who finally win the battle over a habit they have wanted to change have done so only after repeated failures. And it's the same with most things.

The breaking of a long-time habit does seem like the end of the road at the time - the complete cessation of enjoyment. Suddenly dropping the habit so fills our minds with the desire for the old habitual way that, for a while, it seems there will no longer be any peace, any sort of enjoyment. But that's not true. New habits form in a surprisingly short time, and a whole new world opens up to us.

So, if you've been trying to start in a new direction, you might do well to remember the advice of Mary Pickford: breaking an old habit isn't the end of the road; it's just a bend in the road. And falling isn't failing, unless you don't get up.

Earl Nightingale
Source: The Essence of Success by Earl Nightingale. Edited by Carson V. Conant, used with permission.

Carson V. Conant is the editor of a great new magazine called AdvantEdge, Produced by Nightingale-Conant. It is an incredible success magazine that is full of articles on achieving your dreams.

Friday, August 8, 2008

The Amazing Power of the Human Will


"My mother taught me very early to believe I could achieve any accomplishment I wanted to. The first was to walk without braces."
Wilma Rudolph

The human will is the most incredible thing. I believe it is the human will that keeps us going, when everyone else expects us to sit, or even quit.

I have always been fascinated by the heroes and sheroes who have made indelible marks in world history; and illustrated distinguished triumphs over seemingly, insurmountable adversity.

I can vividly recall reading about Wilma Rudolph when I was in grade school. Her life epitomized, "breaking through limitations." Over the last three decades, I have thought about Wilma when so-called, "limitations" presented themselves in my own life. I think of Wilma, and I am passionately reminded of the amazing power of the human will.

Wilma Rudolph was born prematurely and weighed only 4.5 pounds. Most of her childhood was spent in St. Bethlehem, Tennessee. There, she was bedridden as she battled double pneumonia, scarlet fever and polio. At six years old, she lost the use of her left leg. Subsequently, she was fitted with leg braces. Later on in life, she was often quoted as saying: "I spent most of my time trying to get them off. (I had an uncompromising resolve) to be a normal kid."

At the age of 16, when she was only a sophomore in high school, the 5' 11" Wilma Rudolph won a bronze medal at the Olympic Games in Melbourne, Australia. And, in the 1960 Rome Olympics, Rudolph became "the fastest woman in the world." She also was the first American woman to win three gold medals in one Olympics. She won the 100 and 200 meter races; and also anchored the U.S. team to victory in the 4 X 100 meter relay, breaking records along the way.

Wilma Rudolph is remembered by family and admirers alike, for her incredible calm and graceful demeanor when under pressure. Valiantly and brilliantly, she removed all of her "struggles" during the course of her lifetime.

She once said: "The most important aspect is to be yourself and have confidence in yourself...triumph can't be had without a struggle."

In 1994, Wilma Rudolph died of brain cancer at the age of 54. Few would argue that she lived a full, purposeful, and triumphant life. Rudolph expected victory when just about everyone else would have understood if she'd just lay down, sit or even quit. Thank you, Wilma, for being the contrary.

Fran Briggs

Fran Briggs is an author, peak performance coach and motivational speaker. She is also the President of The Fran Briggs Companies, an organization dedicated to the personal and professional development of individuals and groups around the globe. Visit Fran's website at: www.franbriggs.com

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Single Father


He's a hardworking father, diligently struggling to feed his little family. The babies clamor for nourishment, yet remain strangely silent in spite of their frenzy. Faithful and patient, the father returns again and again, each time bringing some new expected treat. It is impossible not to stare at the silent ballet of love, devotion, and self-sacrifice. Each tiny mouth is fed, equally and fairly, as if the young father keeps accurate accounts.

The young robin's nest has been built low to the ground and exposed to the sky, so it is obvious that he is young and inexperienced in the ways of the world in which he lives. No stray cats nor hawks disturb the imagination of this devoted dad.

I sit on the ground, tearing up the sod to expose the juicy worms and grubs, and I pray for the safety of the lonely male, who remains devoted to nest and family. His four younglings will soon hunt in our front garden, ravenously devouring any insects and grubs that come within their grasp.

I cannot help but wonder about the mother of the little nestlings. Where has she gone? And why does she not return? Perhaps she fell victim to the many cats that roam in our neighborhood. Perhaps she found a new husband who was more desirable. Or perhaps she understood the uncertainties of life, trusting in this young family man to remain faithful no matter what became of her. Perhaps, like me, she found it easy to fall in love with the male who would best provide for her children should she no longer be able to.

There is a lesson as well as a mystery here in my front garden. The mystery of why, where, and how can only be answered by the lesson of faithfulness and diligence of this young male robin. Parental love is not exclusive to the mothering hen, but it also burns within the heart of the single father, who asks nothing more than the opportunity to serve with love.

Jaye Lewis

Jaye Lewis is an award winning writer who looks at life from a unique perspective, celebrating the miraculous in the day to day. Jaye writes and lives with her family in the Appalachian Mountains of Virginia. Jaye is searching for a publisher for her recently completed manuscript, Entertaining Angels. She is also a contributing author to Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul and Chicken Soup for Every Mom's Soul. You can email Jaye at: jlewis@smyth.net

Monday, August 4, 2008

The Razor's Edge


It has often been said the line that separates winning from losing, is as fine as a razor's edge, and it is. I am referring to winning in a big way, in all areas of life.

Somerset Maugham wrote an entire book entitled, "The Razor's Edge"; Daryl Zanuck produced a movie that had the same title. Both of these men knew there wasn't a big difference among people: there was only a big difference in the things they accomplished.

One person almost starts a project, the other person starts it. One individual almost completes a task, the other person does complete it. One student nearly passes an exam, the other person passes it. Although the difference in their marks may be only one percentage point out of a hundred, it's that one percentage point that makes all the difference.

In 1947, Armed was the first racehorse in the history of United States racing to win over one million dollars in prize money. That year Armed had earnings of $761,500. Yet the horse that finished second in earnings that same year, a horse that often lost races a mile long by only a nose, won only $75,000.

If you were to look at the winnings alone, it would appear that Armed was thirteen times better than his closest competitor. However, when you compare the times that were actually registered by these two horses in their races, you discover that Armed wasn't even four percent superior.

It's the little things you do that can make a big difference. What are you attempting to accomplish? What little thing can you do today that will make you more effective? You are probably only one step away from greatness.

Bob Proctor

Bob Proctor is a best-selling author and speaker. He teaches us how to cross that "Razor's Edge" into greatness. Rarely does he speak in a public forum, however now is your chance. If you want to be one of the select few to see him live take a look at: http://www.insightoftheday.com/a.asp?bpap&1336&isp